Do you remember the time when all you truly cared about was being older? Do you remember the thrill of sitting in the front seat of a car? Do you remember the time when you went to the mall/movies/dinner -just you and your friends? Do you remember when you first drove a car by yourself? The independence, the excitement, the feeling "all grown-up" signs? Do you remember parents stating, "Don't look to grow up so fast. You'll be a woman soon." Yet it just wasn't soon enough.
When I was between the ages of 7 and 15 my family and I lived in HK. There was a 23-year old woman who lived on the same floor as us. When I went downstairs to play I saw her coming back from work. She had make-up on, she wore skirt suits and high heels. She was all grown up to me in a way my parents weren't. She was put together. She lived alone. Her boyfriend and parents visited her often. The real exciting part? She had a boyfriend and a job! She was a woman.
Now that I'm 30 and I've donned the skirt suits, lived by myself, and had a boyfriend or two, I still don't feel like a woman. I'm not having a gender-crisis. I'm having a "problem coming to terms with the fact that I am an adult" crisis. In my mind, I still feel 21. Some days it's 18; other days it's 30 and I've even felt 65 in my mind. I'm making all the decisions for my life (I consult my parents, siblings, and closest friends, but the ultimate decision is mine). But there are times in school when I am shocked by the immaturity of my students (however, this is nothing compared to the immaturity some of the people I know display). I'm going all over the place in this post, and I would not give myself a high grade on this. My point is, we strive for things all the time. We want things we cannot have. We expect things to fall into place the moment we turn 18/21/25/30/35. However, life is a constant struggle (more mental than physical a la Waiting for Godot). The bills, the money, the car, the rent, it all takes away from the fun!
We fall into comfort zones, we forget dreams, and we settle. We lose the child in us- the one looking forward to adventures. We can't afford to do that. Once it's done we stop living. So as a girl I had this concept of womanhood in my mind; as an adult I should hold onto the little girl in my heart to truly be a woman.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Three Tagged
My friend, ZenDenizen initiated this exercise herself. She asked people with blogs to consider themselves tagged. (I found myself agreeing with ZenDenizen's answers wholeheartedly in some categories.)
Three screen names that you’ve had:
SBT
litchick
litwurm
Three things you like about yourself:
Sense of humour
Positive attitude
Compassion
Three things you don’t like about yourself:
Nose
Lack of ambition
Inability to really follow-through on anything
Three of your favorite songs:
"Waqt ne kiya," Kagaz ke Phool
"Kiss me," Sixpence, None The Richer
"Live to Tell," Madonna
Three things you want in a relationship:
Passion
Humour
Love
Three celeb crushes:
Abhishek Bachchan
Rahul Dravid
Johnny Depp
Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
I dislike shopping
I like the remote control
I like sports
Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
I like make-up
I like fragrant soaps, lotions, body wash, candles, perfumes
I like talking on the phone
Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
Confidence (not arrogance)
Height
Broad shoulders
Three things that scare me:
Aging ungracefully
People showing up unexpectedly
Snakes
Three people who make me laugh:
JN
Dane Cook
Eddie Izzard
Three things I love:
Family and friends
Nice-smelling home
Rain
Three things I hate:
Competitiveness
Arrogance
Manipulators
Three things I don't understand:
Why people expect their significant other to be everything to them
Why people kill each other
Why teachers are underpaid
Three things I am doing now:
Trying to figure out the things I need and things I can get rid of
Looking for movers and packers
Trying to figure out if I really need movers and packers
Three things I want to do before I die:
Write a book
Travel to all continents and most countries of the world
Give birth/adopt a child
Three things I can do:
Pick myself up when I am down
Make a mean Cosmo
Cook
Three things you should listen to:
Inner Voice
News
Parents
Three things I'd like to learn:
To ride a bike
To drive a stick
To play the piano again
Three favourite books:
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Three favourite foods:
Avocado Rolls
Shahi Paneer
Mac N Cheese
Three beverages I drink regularly:
Green Tea
Chai
Mango Juice
Three things on my desk:
Thank you plaque from a student
Elephants -stuffed toy and crystal-from students
Photos of my family
Three screen names that you’ve had:
SBT
litchick
litwurm
Three things you like about yourself:
Sense of humour
Positive attitude
Compassion
Three things you don’t like about yourself:
Nose
Lack of ambition
Inability to really follow-through on anything
Three of your favorite songs:
"Waqt ne kiya," Kagaz ke Phool
"Kiss me," Sixpence, None The Richer
"Live to Tell," Madonna
Three things you want in a relationship:
Passion
Humour
Love
Three celeb crushes:
Abhishek Bachchan
Rahul Dravid
Johnny Depp
Three ways that you are stereotypically a boy:
I dislike shopping
I like the remote control
I like sports
Three ways that you are stereotypically a girl:
I like make-up
I like fragrant soaps, lotions, body wash, candles, perfumes
I like talking on the phone
Three things about the opposite sex that appeal to you:
Confidence (not arrogance)
Height
Broad shoulders
Three things that scare me:
Aging ungracefully
People showing up unexpectedly
Snakes
Three people who make me laugh:
JN
Dane Cook
Eddie Izzard
Three things I love:
Family and friends
Nice-smelling home
Rain
Three things I hate:
Competitiveness
Arrogance
Manipulators
Three things I don't understand:
Why people expect their significant other to be everything to them
Why people kill each other
Why teachers are underpaid
Three things I am doing now:
Trying to figure out the things I need and things I can get rid of
Looking for movers and packers
Trying to figure out if I really need movers and packers
Three things I want to do before I die:
Write a book
Travel to all continents and most countries of the world
Give birth/adopt a child
Three things I can do:
Pick myself up when I am down
Make a mean Cosmo
Cook
Three things you should listen to:
Inner Voice
News
Parents
Three things I'd like to learn:
To ride a bike
To drive a stick
To play the piano again
Three favourite books:
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy
Three favourite foods:
Avocado Rolls
Shahi Paneer
Mac N Cheese
Three beverages I drink regularly:
Green Tea
Chai
Mango Juice
Three things on my desk:
Thank you plaque from a student
Elephants -stuffed toy and crystal-from students
Photos of my family
Sunday, March 18, 2007
How does this happen?
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20070318/ap_on_re_us/teacher_sex_7
I just don't understand things like this. Can you fall in love with anyone regardless of age, race, gender, political beliefs, religious beliefs? I definitely think so. But you should both be consenting adults. 13!!! 12!!! WTF?
I truly do understand that teachers spend most of their lives with their students. Children spend most of their lives with their teachers and not their parents. But this is completely unfathomable to me; I'm disgusted when guys in their 30s speak about hot 18-yr old bodies!
However, it has generally been more acceptable for females to have sex with younger boys and our world does have its double standards. My final thought, if you're older and attracted to someone younger, please for the sake of the child: Be an adult. Wait until they are consenting adults. If you both LOVE each other, won't it last forever?
I just don't understand things like this. Can you fall in love with anyone regardless of age, race, gender, political beliefs, religious beliefs? I definitely think so. But you should both be consenting adults. 13!!! 12!!! WTF?
I truly do understand that teachers spend most of their lives with their students. Children spend most of their lives with their teachers and not their parents. But this is completely unfathomable to me; I'm disgusted when guys in their 30s speak about hot 18-yr old bodies!
However, it has generally been more acceptable for females to have sex with younger boys and our world does have its double standards. My final thought, if you're older and attracted to someone younger, please for the sake of the child: Be an adult. Wait until they are consenting adults. If you both LOVE each other, won't it last forever?
Man to Man
So we have an advisee system in place at school. A teacher has a group of 12 students who s/he is responsible for: emotionally, academically, socially etc. In their freshman year of High School students are placed with an advisor and at the end of each year they can either choose to stay with the same advisor or choose another one. Teachers have no say in the matter. Students who lose an advisor have first choice, then incoming Seniors, Juniors, and Sophomores.
I had the same advisee group, give or take a few, for four years. I had taught all but 3 students of the class of 2006. They were MY class.
Anyhow, as BH left and all my advisees had graduated and moved on to college, BH's advisees chose me as their advisor.
One of these students is in AP English Lang, in his Junior year. His English teacher is also my Department chair (RW). He did poorly on his English Mid-term and RW did not write a progress report. I asked her for it and she overreacted like she does to everything else. She's so hyper and volatile; it cannot be healthy. Everything is a crisis and in "all [her] years of experience of 34 years [she's] never experienced something like this...." and so on and so forth.
She felt this student needed more time to complete tests. So, I informed her that there was documentation at home but the student was "morally against extended time."
She was enraged. "But he should take it...Oh, oh, oh, something just needs to be done!"
I let her know that his parents, tutor, and I had spoken with him, but he still refused the extended time.
I smiled and walked away politely.
Cut to library.
I'm sitting in the library with my study hall group and JL approaches me, "Ms. T, may I borrow you?" (No. You may not borrow me. I'm not a library book.) "Sure, Mr. L, what's up?"
He proceeds to ask me why I told RW that the said student gets extended time, when there is no paperwork at school. I told him my side of the story: the paperwork is at home, mum, dad, and tutor want him to take the time; student refuses. RW sees us in the hallway and joins the conversation.
OK, so she's in her late 50s early 60s tops. She's shorter than I am (yes, that is humanely possible!) and JL is over 6 feet tall. We're standing there, two short women and a tall guy having this conversation.
RW starts stroking JL's arm, smiles, and laughs coyly!
"Oh you should speak to him. Man to Man. Guy to guy. You're the big man. You're the boss. He'll listen to you."
JL is a little embarrassed and says,
"R. stop! You should be my publicist! Oh come now, as if Ms. T isn't influential!"
She continued fawning over JL. Agghhh. I felt sick. We adjourned. Now I was angry! I'm a f****** great advisor and the insult was not going down well. I could have let it go, but I chose not to.
I went to her office and I asked to speak with her. I told her that I felt insulted and that she insinuated I wasn't a good advisor because I was a woman.
She told me she was a card-carrying feminist (Honey, you don't need a card to be a feminist, you either are or you're not!). How she had been left out all of last year (what are WE in High school now? I know we teach in one...but seriously. Is this retaliation for some wrong you think I did you?), how difficult it was to be new at the school. (Ummmm, you're missing the key points here: you didn't write a progress report and you called me an ineffective advisor because I'm a woman.) I apologized for any harm I may have caused her emotionally last year, I know what it is like to be new and I felt a little bad that she was sad; but I believe she was being manipulative and playing the "oh I hurt you, see, you also hurt me in the past" card. Also the "I completely f***** up and now I'm changing the focus of the discussion ..." card.
She stated that her point was that boys needed to speak to men. Granted, there are certain things that girls need to speak to women about and other things that boys need to speak to men about. But this?
I stated that the boy's father was a MAN, the boy's tutor was a MAN, and they had spoken to the student and he didn't want the extended time. That's when she said that JL would be the right person to speak to him as he is the principal!
"So, R we want to intimidate the student to take extended time?" Uggghhh. It was painful. Let it be said, she gave me a hug and we both apologized to each other.
JL spoke to the student; he refused the extended time, once again.
I never did get that progress report.
I had the same advisee group, give or take a few, for four years. I had taught all but 3 students of the class of 2006. They were MY class.
Anyhow, as BH left and all my advisees had graduated and moved on to college, BH's advisees chose me as their advisor.
One of these students is in AP English Lang, in his Junior year. His English teacher is also my Department chair (RW). He did poorly on his English Mid-term and RW did not write a progress report. I asked her for it and she overreacted like she does to everything else. She's so hyper and volatile; it cannot be healthy. Everything is a crisis and in "all [her] years of experience of 34 years [she's] never experienced something like this...." and so on and so forth.
She felt this student needed more time to complete tests. So, I informed her that there was documentation at home but the student was "morally against extended time."
She was enraged. "But he should take it...Oh, oh, oh, something just needs to be done!"
I let her know that his parents, tutor, and I had spoken with him, but he still refused the extended time.
I smiled and walked away politely.
Cut to library.
I'm sitting in the library with my study hall group and JL approaches me, "Ms. T, may I borrow you?" (No. You may not borrow me. I'm not a library book.) "Sure, Mr. L, what's up?"
He proceeds to ask me why I told RW that the said student gets extended time, when there is no paperwork at school. I told him my side of the story: the paperwork is at home, mum, dad, and tutor want him to take the time; student refuses. RW sees us in the hallway and joins the conversation.
OK, so she's in her late 50s early 60s tops. She's shorter than I am (yes, that is humanely possible!) and JL is over 6 feet tall. We're standing there, two short women and a tall guy having this conversation.
RW starts stroking JL's arm, smiles, and laughs coyly!
"Oh you should speak to him. Man to Man. Guy to guy. You're the big man. You're the boss. He'll listen to you."
JL is a little embarrassed and says,
"R. stop! You should be my publicist! Oh come now, as if Ms. T isn't influential!"
She continued fawning over JL. Agghhh. I felt sick. We adjourned. Now I was angry! I'm a f****** great advisor and the insult was not going down well. I could have let it go, but I chose not to.
I went to her office and I asked to speak with her. I told her that I felt insulted and that she insinuated I wasn't a good advisor because I was a woman.
She told me she was a card-carrying feminist (Honey, you don't need a card to be a feminist, you either are or you're not!). How she had been left out all of last year (what are WE in High school now? I know we teach in one...but seriously. Is this retaliation for some wrong you think I did you?), how difficult it was to be new at the school. (Ummmm, you're missing the key points here: you didn't write a progress report and you called me an ineffective advisor because I'm a woman.) I apologized for any harm I may have caused her emotionally last year, I know what it is like to be new and I felt a little bad that she was sad; but I believe she was being manipulative and playing the "oh I hurt you, see, you also hurt me in the past" card. Also the "I completely f***** up and now I'm changing the focus of the discussion ..." card.
She stated that her point was that boys needed to speak to men. Granted, there are certain things that girls need to speak to women about and other things that boys need to speak to men about. But this?
I stated that the boy's father was a MAN, the boy's tutor was a MAN, and they had spoken to the student and he didn't want the extended time. That's when she said that JL would be the right person to speak to him as he is the principal!
"So, R we want to intimidate the student to take extended time?" Uggghhh. It was painful. Let it be said, she gave me a hug and we both apologized to each other.
JL spoke to the student; he refused the extended time, once again.
I never did get that progress report.
Change
I've been at my current job for five years and its been an interesting experience. I hope I've at least inculcated a sense of curiosity in the students.
Friday was extremely emotional for me. I told JL about my job offer and he was so happy for me. He did a little research on the school in India and told me there were no red flags that he knew of. He was a little upset that I hadn't told him sooner that I was unhappy...but that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're boss. I did tell him as soon as possible though, because I owe him that, and he is a great boss.
We had a meeting with the Class of 2009 about their semi-formal. They were so enthusiastic. I got sad thinking they would move on without me. As I went through the motions and taught on Friday, every class I taught almost made me cry. It was ridiculous.
I have been dying to tell people at work, but I won't until I get the contract in the mail.
After having a few drinks with some friends after work I came home and had a good cry. All the personal stuff that I'd been feeling, leaving my friends, leaving the school, the change itself weighed down on me. I want to get all the crying out of my system. I WILL NOT under any circumstances cry in school, in front of the student body. It WILL NOT happen!
I think that is the toughest part of being a teacher...the emotional connections. I kept telling myself, another year, another year, another year...and now it has finally arrived.
I hate long goodbyes. They are awkward. So now the nitty-gritty starts: the packing, donating, sorting out finances etc.
JN spoke about a big goodbye party. I don't want that. I don't really want a lot of people to know. Just the people I'm close to: RK, NM, KN, and JS from my friends in NY; JN, FM, and MM from my friends in MI.
Time is going to go by so quickly.
I set up this blog again to basically recount my experiences in India and to be connected to those close to me. I hope I'll be able to update it frequently.
Friday was extremely emotional for me. I told JL about my job offer and he was so happy for me. He did a little research on the school in India and told me there were no red flags that he knew of. He was a little upset that I hadn't told him sooner that I was unhappy...but that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're boss. I did tell him as soon as possible though, because I owe him that, and he is a great boss.
We had a meeting with the Class of 2009 about their semi-formal. They were so enthusiastic. I got sad thinking they would move on without me. As I went through the motions and taught on Friday, every class I taught almost made me cry. It was ridiculous.
I have been dying to tell people at work, but I won't until I get the contract in the mail.
After having a few drinks with some friends after work I came home and had a good cry. All the personal stuff that I'd been feeling, leaving my friends, leaving the school, the change itself weighed down on me. I want to get all the crying out of my system. I WILL NOT under any circumstances cry in school, in front of the student body. It WILL NOT happen!
I think that is the toughest part of being a teacher...the emotional connections. I kept telling myself, another year, another year, another year...and now it has finally arrived.
I hate long goodbyes. They are awkward. So now the nitty-gritty starts: the packing, donating, sorting out finances etc.
JN spoke about a big goodbye party. I don't want that. I don't really want a lot of people to know. Just the people I'm close to: RK, NM, KN, and JS from my friends in NY; JN, FM, and MM from my friends in MI.
Time is going to go by so quickly.
I set up this blog again to basically recount my experiences in India and to be connected to those close to me. I hope I'll be able to update it frequently.
Wanderlust Update
I think it's really interesting that the last post of my previous blog was about change and travel. How sad that it has been almost a year and I really haven't done anything about it, right?
Lets update a bit. I went to India in June for a little while; my younger sister got married. It began to rain on the day of her wedding. I was worried for her and asked her if she was OK. Her response was, "Hey! I'm having a Monsoon Wedding!" Nothing got that girl down. She looked beautiful and she was so happy!
In September, my roommate and her boyfriend quit work and moved to Boston. They are getting married in November. I truly believe that their move really hit me. They had the guts and went out there and made change happen. They kick-started their lives into action.
So in the following month, I began to look for work in NYC, Boston, San Fransisco, and the rest of the world. I did Google searches, spoke to colleagues with International experience and just tried my luck and sent resumes to schools. At the end of the month, I didn't really actively look again. I got back into the swing of things at work and wasn't upset any longer.
Come March (and this is when schools generally hire), I get an email from a school in India. The Department Head (UR) and Director of Curriculum Studies (CV) want to set up a phone interview with me. I completely freak out! What, SBT, actually act? It was ridiculous. I couldn't sleep or eat. I checked out the website again and decided to write back. I wasn't going to be rude, now!
So a time is set up (work schedules and time zones taken into consideration) for me to speak with CV. He calls me before I head out to work. He is wonderful on the phone and I was impressed. We set up a time for UR to call me; however, I missed her call but she left me a number so I called back. We spoke on the phone for an hour! We connected so well over the phone; our views on literature, teaching, and students were very similar. It was a great conversation. She then told me I would speak with DW, the Head of the School. As I put down the phone, panic set in again. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job offer and typical SBT style I started worrying about mundane crap: packing!
I spoke to my friends MR, JN, RK, NM, my sisters and my parents. I let them know the situation and they were thrilled. I wanted to know so much about the work environment in India and the surrounding area of the school. I kept fluctuating: I'll take it, no I won't....
So DW calls, he offers me the job. I negotiate terms and benefits, call my family again. Communicate with current teachers at the school (who were so enthusiastic and encouraging). Make some really tough personal decisions, more sleepless nights, a lot of calculations, and voila, I accept the job offer!
I'm going to India at the end of June!
Lets update a bit. I went to India in June for a little while; my younger sister got married. It began to rain on the day of her wedding. I was worried for her and asked her if she was OK. Her response was, "Hey! I'm having a Monsoon Wedding!" Nothing got that girl down. She looked beautiful and she was so happy!
In September, my roommate and her boyfriend quit work and moved to Boston. They are getting married in November. I truly believe that their move really hit me. They had the guts and went out there and made change happen. They kick-started their lives into action.
So in the following month, I began to look for work in NYC, Boston, San Fransisco, and the rest of the world. I did Google searches, spoke to colleagues with International experience and just tried my luck and sent resumes to schools. At the end of the month, I didn't really actively look again. I got back into the swing of things at work and wasn't upset any longer.
Come March (and this is when schools generally hire), I get an email from a school in India. The Department Head (UR) and Director of Curriculum Studies (CV) want to set up a phone interview with me. I completely freak out! What, SBT, actually act? It was ridiculous. I couldn't sleep or eat. I checked out the website again and decided to write back. I wasn't going to be rude, now!
So a time is set up (work schedules and time zones taken into consideration) for me to speak with CV. He calls me before I head out to work. He is wonderful on the phone and I was impressed. We set up a time for UR to call me; however, I missed her call but she left me a number so I called back. We spoke on the phone for an hour! We connected so well over the phone; our views on literature, teaching, and students were very similar. It was a great conversation. She then told me I would speak with DW, the Head of the School. As I put down the phone, panic set in again. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job offer and typical SBT style I started worrying about mundane crap: packing!
I spoke to my friends MR, JN, RK, NM, my sisters and my parents. I let them know the situation and they were thrilled. I wanted to know so much about the work environment in India and the surrounding area of the school. I kept fluctuating: I'll take it, no I won't....
So DW calls, he offers me the job. I negotiate terms and benefits, call my family again. Communicate with current teachers at the school (who were so enthusiastic and encouraging). Make some really tough personal decisions, more sleepless nights, a lot of calculations, and voila, I accept the job offer!
I'm going to India at the end of June!
Saturday, March 17, 2007
I'm back!
So, I couldn't put if off any longer. I'm blogging again. Hopefully this time I won't delete it. I'm excited because I found all my former blog entries and I'll re-post them here one by one. What prompted me to start the blog again is the change that is about to take place in my life. Also many thanks to the wonderful friend who encouraged me to start again!
I'm so excited and feel the need to share while staying relatively anonymous also.
I think being the U2 fan that I am, it's completely appropriate for me to start blogging again today. Happy St. Patrick's Day!
I'm so excited and feel the need to share while staying relatively anonymous also.
I think being the U2 fan that I am, it's completely appropriate for me to start blogging again today. Happy St. Patrick's Day!
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