Girl, You'll be a Woman soon.

Do you remember the time when all you truly cared about was being older? Do you remember the thrill of sitting in the front seat of a car? Do you remember the time when you went to the mall/movies/dinner -just you and your friends? Do you remember when you first drove a car by yourself? The independence, the excitement, the feeling "all grown-up" signs? Do you remember parents stating, "Don't look to grow up so fast. You'll be a woman soon." Yet it just wasn't soon enough.

When I was between the ages of 7 and 15 my family and I lived in HK. There was a 23-year old woman who lived on the same floor as us. When I went downstairs to play I saw her coming back from work. She had make-up on, she wore skirt suits and high heels. She was all grown up to me in a way my parents weren't. She was put together. She lived alone. Her boyfriend and parents visited her often. The real exciting part? She had a boyfriend and a job! She was a woman.

Now that I'm 30 and I've donned the skirt suits, lived by myself, and had a boyfriend or two, I still don't feel like a woman. I'm not having a gender-crisis. I'm having a "problem coming to terms with the fact that I am an adult" crisis. In my mind, I still feel 21. Some days it's 18; other days it's 30 and I've even felt 65 in my mind. I'm making all the decisions for my life (I consult my parents, siblings, and closest friends, but the ultimate decision is mine). But there are times in school when I am shocked by the immaturity of my students (however, this is nothing compared to the immaturity some of the people I know display). I'm going all over the place in this post, and I would not give myself a high grade on this. My point is, we strive for things all the time. We want things we cannot have. We expect things to fall into place the moment we turn 18/21/25/30/35. However, life is a constant struggle (more mental than physical a la Waiting for Godot). The bills, the money, the car, the rent, it all takes away from the fun!

We fall into comfort zones, we forget dreams, and we settle. We lose the child in us- the one looking forward to adventures. We can't afford to do that. Once it's done we stop living. So as a girl I had this concept of womanhood in my mind; as an adult I should hold onto the little girl in my heart to truly be a woman.