I started Spring cleaning yesterday. I went through all these drawers filled with paperwork that "I may need later." As I was rummaging through my things I came across lots of photographs that made me smile, cringe, and reminisce. I also stopped and read all the cards and letters that people had written me. I found letters that I had begun but never finished and obviously never sent out.
I've been feeling very anxious since January. I think it's because I'm turning 30 this year. I'm very excited about it, but at the same time I feel like there is so much I haven't done.
I've been at my current apartment for a year and a half and I think I'm ready to move again. I've been working at the same school for four years. Ideally I'd like to stay for three more, but I have this sudden urge to move to another country. The top countries on my list right now are Australia, Hong Kong, India, and Namibia.
I think all this cleaning is helping me sort through my life, my priorities. I'm getting rid of excess. I don't have a lot of stuff but what I do have I look at and think, "Why do I need all of this stuff?"
Is this is spiritual/existential crisis? I'm not sure. However, I do know that I feel like my life is at a standstill. I need to kick start it into action again. I know when I moved to NJ from MI I had a difficult time but it was a great experience. I've travelled from place to place as a child, adolescent, and as an adult. I've met so many people in my travels, I've established relationships everywhere I've been.
I've got rid of most of the clutter. I'm preparing to fulfill my wanderlust. I want to see Greece, Spain, Egypt, Colombia, and South Africa.
I'm ready for change. I'm ready to make it happen. Should I stay in NJ? Should I continue to teach? Should I make volunteer-work my life? Should I finish the books that I've started to write?
Who knows? I certainly don't, not right now anyway. What I do know right now is that I'm definitely going to finish the letters that I began writing to friends (some of them were written four years ago) and mail them out.
Monday, February 20, 2006
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Birth Order
Recently people have made it a point to let me know that I'm obsessed with birth order. Truth be told, that's not inaccurate. I wouldn't say I am "obsessed," but I do ask people their birth order. If a friend is dating someone new I ask the individual's name and then his/her birth order and zodiac sign.
Now I know this is bad, but I guess I do form certain opinions of someone based on something they have absolutely no control over. (OK, long sentence over: Breathe!) I dislike pigeon-holing people. I dislike categories. I dislike generalizations. Sadly, I do those very same things at times.
Lets take an only child for example, instantly I will think "self-centered."
First born - Rebel.
Youngest - Spoiled.
Middle Child - Peace-maker.
Now, these are definitely prejudicial and offer only a limited scope; but I still feel there is some truth to this.
There's been quite a bit of research on this matter. There's a story about it in the Mahabharata as well. I can't find the reference anywhere right now but Bheem felt a little left out as the middle child of the Pandavs.
I remember my parents calling me their Bheem (not really flattering when you're a seven-year old girl) when we came across that part in the Mahabharata.
Since then my parents, my sisters, and I have spoken about birth order on numerous occasions.
Being a middle child was especially frustrating when my parents remembered everything about A: her first word, her first step, her first day at school (that may have to do with the fact that she was two-months premature, but still!).
The other times that it was annoying was when my parents got M absolutely everything she looked at and anything that she might have mumbled, "That's nice," at (OK so she was their last child, but still!).
However, my older sister is wonderful (though bossy at times) and my younger sister is a sweetheart (though aggravating at times). I know my sisters think I'm OK too (though whiny at times).
All said and done, however, I believe an individual's personality has more to do with upbringing, education, experience, rather than birth order. (OK, I do believe birth order is important but the peace-maker in me has to make it all better.)
So, what's your birth order?
Now I know this is bad, but I guess I do form certain opinions of someone based on something they have absolutely no control over. (OK, long sentence over: Breathe!) I dislike pigeon-holing people. I dislike categories. I dislike generalizations. Sadly, I do those very same things at times.
Lets take an only child for example, instantly I will think "self-centered."
First born - Rebel.
Youngest - Spoiled.
Middle Child - Peace-maker.
Now, these are definitely prejudicial and offer only a limited scope; but I still feel there is some truth to this.
There's been quite a bit of research on this matter. There's a story about it in the Mahabharata as well. I can't find the reference anywhere right now but Bheem felt a little left out as the middle child of the Pandavs.
I remember my parents calling me their Bheem (not really flattering when you're a seven-year old girl) when we came across that part in the Mahabharata.
Since then my parents, my sisters, and I have spoken about birth order on numerous occasions.
Being a middle child was especially frustrating when my parents remembered everything about A: her first word, her first step, her first day at school (that may have to do with the fact that she was two-months premature, but still!).
The other times that it was annoying was when my parents got M absolutely everything she looked at and anything that she might have mumbled, "That's nice," at (OK so she was their last child, but still!).
However, my older sister is wonderful (though bossy at times) and my younger sister is a sweetheart (though aggravating at times). I know my sisters think I'm OK too (though whiny at times).
All said and done, however, I believe an individual's personality has more to do with upbringing, education, experience, rather than birth order. (OK, I do believe birth order is important but the peace-maker in me has to make it all better.)
So, what's your birth order?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
100 Yards
My roommate, Jen (not to be confused with India trip cool-close-friend, Jenn) and I were going to a friend's (Brian) house (he's now her boyfriend).
Brian gave us directions to his place and Jen and I followed them to a T. However, as we turned into his township the directions Jen had written down stated, "make a left after 100 yards." I turned to Jen and said,
"Tell me when 100 yards comes up. I don't know how far that is exactly."
"Ummmm. Neither do I" she replied.
"So why didn't you tell him that?" I asked rather loudly. But I knew why. She liked him a lot and he liked her too. I guess we'd just have to figure out what 100 yards was.
Great, I thought. I started to drive slower. We looked for a left turn but didn't see one and ended up at a dead end. I made a U-turn and she finally called Brian.
We made our way back and found the left we were supposed to make (which was now a right turn...I hope you're still with me and not lost).
As Brian opened the door, I asked him why he stated to make a left after a hundred yards.
"Wouldn't it have been easier to say make the first left?"
December 18, 2005
Brian gave us directions to his place and Jen and I followed them to a T. However, as we turned into his township the directions Jen had written down stated, "make a left after 100 yards." I turned to Jen and said,
"Tell me when 100 yards comes up. I don't know how far that is exactly."
"Ummmm. Neither do I" she replied.
"So why didn't you tell him that?" I asked rather loudly. But I knew why. She liked him a lot and he liked her too. I guess we'd just have to figure out what 100 yards was.
Great, I thought. I started to drive slower. We looked for a left turn but didn't see one and ended up at a dead end. I made a U-turn and she finally called Brian.
We made our way back and found the left we were supposed to make (which was now a right turn...I hope you're still with me and not lost).
As Brian opened the door, I asked him why he stated to make a left after a hundred yards.
"Wouldn't it have been easier to say make the first left?"
December 18, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Thanksgiving Traffic
The day before Thanksgiving I took a friend to Newark airport, I was shocked by the number of people there. I was stuck in traffic on the way to the airport and on the way home.
I moved about a mile every half an hour (or thereabouts) on the Garden State Parkway to my cousin's house on Thanksgiving Day.
The normal hour and fifteen drive took me three hours.
As I was at a virtual standstill, I took the opportunity to call friends. I spoke with a few (on hands-free). Finally I crawled onto 287N and the traffic began to clear.
The traffic was very frustrating, initially. Then I really started to think about it. All these people (the ones at the airport and on the parkway) were going to see friends and/or family.
On Thanksgiving I was thankful for the traffic because it made me realize that many people had places to be and people to see.
Isn't life grand?
I moved about a mile every half an hour (or thereabouts) on the Garden State Parkway to my cousin's house on Thanksgiving Day.
The normal hour and fifteen drive took me three hours.
As I was at a virtual standstill, I took the opportunity to call friends. I spoke with a few (on hands-free). Finally I crawled onto 287N and the traffic began to clear.
The traffic was very frustrating, initially. Then I really started to think about it. All these people (the ones at the airport and on the parkway) were going to see friends and/or family.
On Thanksgiving I was thankful for the traffic because it made me realize that many people had places to be and people to see.
Isn't life grand?
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Alliterative Addiction
OK so I'm addicted to alliterative titles for my blog entries. There has to be a solution to this, right? How about a powerful panacea? Capable cure? An excellent elixir?
Chaos, Colors, and Comedy
One of my closest friends went to India with me this summer. We did a lot of sight seeing, she got to experience what it's like to live with my parents, and we ate lots and lots of food. Jenn absolutely fell in love with India we're planning our next trip; this time we'll do South India.
It was wonderful to be in Delhi, chaos and all. Agra, the city of my birth, was to put it mildly, HOT. I have to admit no matter how many times I see the Taj Mahal, it's still magnificent.
We went to Rajasthan as well : Jaipur and Udaipur.
Jaipur is such a colorful city from the clothes the people wear, to the decorations on the camels and elephants, it's all about color.
While in Jaipur we did a "little" bit of shopping. We were looking for things for my family. We were drowning in colors : reds, pinks, yellows, blues, greens, purples....it was endless.
My dad picked out something for Jenn's parents, my niece, my mum, my younger sister, me, and then he needed to find something for my older sister.
"Do you have anything in black?" he asked.
It was wonderful to be in Delhi, chaos and all. Agra, the city of my birth, was to put it mildly, HOT. I have to admit no matter how many times I see the Taj Mahal, it's still magnificent.
We went to Rajasthan as well : Jaipur and Udaipur.
Jaipur is such a colorful city from the clothes the people wear, to the decorations on the camels and elephants, it's all about color.
While in Jaipur we did a "little" bit of shopping. We were looking for things for my family. We were drowning in colors : reds, pinks, yellows, blues, greens, purples....it was endless.
My dad picked out something for Jenn's parents, my niece, my mum, my younger sister, me, and then he needed to find something for my older sister.
"Do you have anything in black?" he asked.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Madonna Memories
My older sister was in the States for three weeks on business. She and I got to hang out a few times but her schedule was tight and hectic. She spent her first and last weekend in the country with me.
Since her wedding in 2000 this was the first time we were hanging out by ourselves. It was, in some ways like being children again, but without having to ask the parental unit for permission to do things! It's really wonderful to have siblings. We reminisced about the way we fought and the things the three of us did as children. We have a shared history; my sisters and I are the only ones that can truly understand our parents and why we turned out the way we did. (I personally think the three of us turned out great, but I guess that doesn't count.)
You know the word association tests? Well, I think if we had word-memory responses the three of us would come up with similar, if not the same, answers.
So A and I were in the car and she was trying to find a radio station she liked. She stopped on 102.7 because Madonna's "Borderline" was playing. She increased the volume and we both began shouting out the lyrics in unison. As the song was playing, and we were singing, I had flashbacks to my sisters and me as children.
A, M, and I would get up really early on weekends (only as young children, once we hit our teenage years it was very difficult to wake us up before noon!) as my parents lazed in bed. We'd brush our teeth, creep downstairs, and grab a few lollipops on the way. Once we were downstairs we'd turn on the TV or the radio and jump up and down on the sofas, lollipops in our mouths. We loved Madonna as children (I still do) and we listened to her songs all the time.
A put in the tape (it might have been an LP, I don't remember clearly). "Borderline" came on and the three of us continued to jump up and down on the sofas hair flying, trying to see who could jump the highest. We sang in unison, laughed when we forgot the lyrics, and listened for our parents walking down the stairs.
It's not always easy being a child, and it is most definitely difficult being a daughter and a sister on many occasions. But as "Borderline" played in the car in 2005, and took me back to 1983, something really hit me. It may have been the fact that we're old now. Adults. Responsible. We are no longer three little people living in a house with two big people. We have our own lives, and A has her own family now...
"Hey, S," A said mid-thought, "when I hear this song I always think of...."
But we have common memories.
November 22, 2005 in Music
Since her wedding in 2000 this was the first time we were hanging out by ourselves. It was, in some ways like being children again, but without having to ask the parental unit for permission to do things! It's really wonderful to have siblings. We reminisced about the way we fought and the things the three of us did as children. We have a shared history; my sisters and I are the only ones that can truly understand our parents and why we turned out the way we did. (I personally think the three of us turned out great, but I guess that doesn't count.)
You know the word association tests? Well, I think if we had word-memory responses the three of us would come up with similar, if not the same, answers.
So A and I were in the car and she was trying to find a radio station she liked. She stopped on 102.7 because Madonna's "Borderline" was playing. She increased the volume and we both began shouting out the lyrics in unison. As the song was playing, and we were singing, I had flashbacks to my sisters and me as children.
A, M, and I would get up really early on weekends (only as young children, once we hit our teenage years it was very difficult to wake us up before noon!) as my parents lazed in bed. We'd brush our teeth, creep downstairs, and grab a few lollipops on the way. Once we were downstairs we'd turn on the TV or the radio and jump up and down on the sofas, lollipops in our mouths. We loved Madonna as children (I still do) and we listened to her songs all the time.
A put in the tape (it might have been an LP, I don't remember clearly). "Borderline" came on and the three of us continued to jump up and down on the sofas hair flying, trying to see who could jump the highest. We sang in unison, laughed when we forgot the lyrics, and listened for our parents walking down the stairs.
It's not always easy being a child, and it is most definitely difficult being a daughter and a sister on many occasions. But as "Borderline" played in the car in 2005, and took me back to 1983, something really hit me. It may have been the fact that we're old now. Adults. Responsible. We are no longer three little people living in a house with two big people. We have our own lives, and A has her own family now...
"Hey, S," A said mid-thought, "when I hear this song I always think of...."
But we have common memories.
November 22, 2005 in Music
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