Man to Man

So we have an advisee system in place at school. A teacher has a group of 12 students who s/he is responsible for: emotionally, academically, socially etc. In their freshman year of High School students are placed with an advisor and at the end of each year they can either choose to stay with the same advisor or choose another one. Teachers have no say in the matter. Students who lose an advisor have first choice, then incoming Seniors, Juniors, and Sophomores.

I had the same advisee group, give or take a few, for four years. I had taught all but 3 students of the class of 2006. They were MY class.

Anyhow, as BH left and all my advisees had graduated and moved on to college, BH's advisees chose me as their advisor.

One of these students is in AP English Lang, in his Junior year. His English teacher is also my Department chair (RW). He did poorly on his English Mid-term and RW did not write a progress report. I asked her for it and she overreacted like she does to everything else. She's so hyper and volatile; it cannot be healthy. Everything is a crisis and in "all [her] years of experience of 34 years [she's] never experienced something like this...." and so on and so forth.

She felt this student needed more time to complete tests. So, I informed her that there was documentation at home but the student was "morally against extended time."
She was enraged. "But he should take it...Oh, oh, oh, something just needs to be done!"

I let her know that his parents, tutor, and I had spoken with him, but he still refused the extended time.

I smiled and walked away politely.

Cut to library.

I'm sitting in the library with my study hall group and JL approaches me, "Ms. T, may I borrow you?" (No. You may not borrow me. I'm not a library book.) "Sure, Mr. L, what's up?"

He proceeds to ask me why I told RW that the said student gets extended time, when there is no paperwork at school. I told him my side of the story: the paperwork is at home, mum, dad, and tutor want him to take the time; student refuses. RW sees us in the hallway and joins the conversation.

OK, so she's in her late 50s early 60s tops. She's shorter than I am (yes, that is humanely possible!) and JL is over 6 feet tall. We're standing there, two short women and a tall guy having this conversation.

RW starts stroking JL's arm, smiles, and laughs coyly!

"Oh you should speak to him. Man to Man. Guy to guy. You're the big man. You're the boss. He'll listen to you."

JL is a little embarrassed and says,

"R. stop! You should be my publicist! Oh come now, as if Ms. T isn't influential!"

She continued fawning over JL. Agghhh. I felt sick. We adjourned. Now I was angry! I'm a f****** great advisor and the insult was not going down well. I could have let it go, but I chose not to.

I went to her office and I asked to speak with her. I told her that I felt insulted and that she insinuated I wasn't a good advisor because I was a woman.

She told me she was a card-carrying feminist (Honey, you don't need a card to be a feminist, you either are or you're not!). How she had been left out all of last year (what are WE in High school now? I know we teach in one...but seriously. Is this retaliation for some wrong you think I did you?), how difficult it was to be new at the school. (Ummmm, you're missing the key points here: you didn't write a progress report and you called me an ineffective advisor because I'm a woman.) I apologized for any harm I may have caused her emotionally last year, I know what it is like to be new and I felt a little bad that she was sad; but I believe she was being manipulative and playing the "oh I hurt you, see, you also hurt me in the past" card. Also the "I completely f***** up and now I'm changing the focus of the discussion ..." card.

She stated that her point was that boys needed to speak to men. Granted, there are certain things that girls need to speak to women about and other things that boys need to speak to men about. But this?

I stated that the boy's father was a MAN, the boy's tutor was a MAN, and they had spoken to the student and he didn't want the extended time. That's when she said that JL would be the right person to speak to him as he is the principal!

"So, R we want to intimidate the student to take extended time?" Uggghhh. It was painful. Let it be said, she gave me a hug and we both apologized to each other.

JL spoke to the student; he refused the extended time, once again.

I never did get that progress report.

Change

I've been at my current job for five years and its been an interesting experience. I hope I've at least inculcated a sense of curiosity in the students.

Friday was extremely emotional for me. I told JL about my job offer and he was so happy for me. He did a little research on the school in India and told me there were no red flags that he knew of. He was a little upset that I hadn't told him sooner that I was unhappy...but that's the way the cookie crumbles when you're boss. I did tell him as soon as possible though, because I owe him that, and he is a great boss.

We had a meeting with the Class of 2009 about their semi-formal. They were so enthusiastic. I got sad thinking they would move on without me. As I went through the motions and taught on Friday, every class I taught almost made me cry. It was ridiculous.

I have been dying to tell people at work, but I won't until I get the contract in the mail.

After having a few drinks with some friends after work I came home and had a good cry. All the personal stuff that I'd been feeling, leaving my friends, leaving the school, the change itself weighed down on me. I want to get all the crying out of my system. I WILL NOT under any circumstances cry in school, in front of the student body. It WILL NOT happen!

I think that is the toughest part of being a teacher...the emotional connections. I kept telling myself, another year, another year, another year...and now it has finally arrived.

I hate long goodbyes. They are awkward. So now the nitty-gritty starts: the packing, donating, sorting out finances etc.

JN spoke about a big goodbye party. I don't want that. I don't really want a lot of people to know. Just the people I'm close to: RK, NM, KN, and JS from my friends in NY; JN, FM, and MM from my friends in MI.

Time is going to go by so quickly.

I set up this blog again to basically recount my experiences in India and to be connected to those close to me. I hope I'll be able to update it frequently.

Wanderlust Update

I think it's really interesting that the last post of my previous blog was about change and travel. How sad that it has been almost a year and I really haven't done anything about it, right?

Lets update a bit. I went to India in June for a little while; my younger sister got married. It began to rain on the day of her wedding. I was worried for her and asked her if she was OK. Her response was, "Hey! I'm having a Monsoon Wedding!" Nothing got that girl down. She looked beautiful and she was so happy!

In September, my roommate and her boyfriend quit work and moved to Boston. They are getting married in November. I truly believe that their move really hit me. They had the guts and went out there and made change happen. They kick-started their lives into action.

So in the following month, I began to look for work in NYC, Boston, San Fransisco, and the rest of the world. I did Google searches, spoke to colleagues with International experience and just tried my luck and sent resumes to schools. At the end of the month, I didn't really actively look again. I got back into the swing of things at work and wasn't upset any longer.

Come March (and this is when schools generally hire), I get an email from a school in India. The Department Head (UR) and Director of Curriculum Studies (CV) want to set up a phone interview with me. I completely freak out! What, SBT, actually act? It was ridiculous. I couldn't sleep or eat. I checked out the website again and decided to write back. I wasn't going to be rude, now!

So a time is set up (work schedules and time zones taken into consideration) for me to speak with CV. He calls me before I head out to work. He is wonderful on the phone and I was impressed. We set up a time for UR to call me; however, I missed her call but she left me a number so I called back. We spoke on the phone for an hour! We connected so well over the phone; our views on literature, teaching, and students were very similar. It was a great conversation. She then told me I would speak with DW, the Head of the School. As I put down the phone, panic set in again. I was pretty sure I was going to get the job offer and typical SBT style I started worrying about mundane crap: packing!

I spoke to my friends MR, JN, RK, NM, my sisters and my parents. I let them know the situation and they were thrilled. I wanted to know so much about the work environment in India and the surrounding area of the school. I kept fluctuating: I'll take it, no I won't....

So DW calls, he offers me the job. I negotiate terms and benefits, call my family again. Communicate with current teachers at the school (who were so enthusiastic and encouraging). Make some really tough personal decisions, more sleepless nights, a lot of calculations, and voila, I accept the job offer!

I'm going to India at the end of June!

I'm back!

So, I couldn't put if off any longer. I'm blogging again. Hopefully this time I won't delete it. I'm excited because I found all my former blog entries and I'll re-post them here one by one. What prompted me to start the blog again is the change that is about to take place in my life. Also many thanks to the wonderful friend who encouraged me to start again!

I'm so excited and feel the need to share while staying relatively anonymous also.

I think being the U2 fan that I am, it's completely appropriate for me to start blogging again today. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Anxiety, clutter, and wanderlust

I started Spring cleaning yesterday. I went through all these drawers filled with paperwork that "I may need later." As I was rummaging through my things I came across lots of photographs that made me smile, cringe, and reminisce. I also stopped and read all the cards and letters that people had written me. I found letters that I had begun but never finished and obviously never sent out.

I've been feeling very anxious since January. I think it's because I'm turning 30 this year. I'm very excited about it, but at the same time I feel like there is so much I haven't done.

I've been at my current apartment for a year and a half and I think I'm ready to move again. I've been working at the same school for four years. Ideally I'd like to stay for three more, but I have this sudden urge to move to another country. The top countries on my list right now are Australia, Hong Kong, India, and Namibia.

I think all this cleaning is helping me sort through my life, my priorities. I'm getting rid of excess. I don't have a lot of stuff but what I do have I look at and think, "Why do I need all of this stuff?"

Is this is spiritual/existential crisis? I'm not sure. However, I do know that I feel like my life is at a standstill. I need to kick start it into action again. I know when I moved to NJ from MI I had a difficult time but it was a great experience. I've travelled from place to place as a child, adolescent, and as an adult. I've met so many people in my travels, I've established relationships everywhere I've been.

I've got rid of most of the clutter. I'm preparing to fulfill my wanderlust. I want to see Greece, Spain, Egypt, Colombia, and South Africa.

I'm ready for change. I'm ready to make it happen. Should I stay in NJ? Should I continue to teach? Should I make volunteer-work my life? Should I finish the books that I've started to write?

Who knows? I certainly don't, not right now anyway. What I do know right now is that I'm definitely going to finish the letters that I began writing to friends (some of them were written four years ago) and mail them out.

Birth Order

Recently people have made it a point to let me know that I'm obsessed with birth order. Truth be told, that's not inaccurate. I wouldn't say I am "obsessed," but I do ask people their birth order. If a friend is dating someone new I ask the individual's name and then his/her birth order and zodiac sign.

Now I know this is bad, but I guess I do form certain opinions of someone based on something they have absolutely no control over. (OK, long sentence over: Breathe!) I dislike pigeon-holing people. I dislike categories. I dislike generalizations. Sadly, I do those very same things at times.

Lets take an only child for example, instantly I will think "self-centered."

First born - Rebel.

Youngest - Spoiled.

Middle Child - Peace-maker.

Now, these are definitely prejudicial and offer only a limited scope; but I still feel there is some truth to this.

There's been quite a bit of research on this matter. There's a story about it in the Mahabharata as well. I can't find the reference anywhere right now but Bheem felt a little left out as the middle child of the Pandavs.

I remember my parents calling me their Bheem (not really flattering when you're a seven-year old girl) when we came across that part in the Mahabharata.

Since then my parents, my sisters, and I have spoken about birth order on numerous occasions.

Being a middle child was especially frustrating when my parents remembered everything about A: her first word, her first step, her first day at school (that may have to do with the fact that she was two-months premature, but still!).

The other times that it was annoying was when my parents got M absolutely everything she looked at and anything that she might have mumbled, "That's nice," at (OK so she was their last child, but still!).

However, my older sister is wonderful (though bossy at times) and my younger sister is a sweetheart (though aggravating at times). I know my sisters think I'm OK too (though whiny at times).

All said and done, however, I believe an individual's personality has more to do with upbringing, education, experience, rather than birth order. (OK, I do believe birth order is important but the peace-maker in me has to make it all better.)

So, what's your birth order?

100 Yards

My roommate, Jen (not to be confused with India trip cool-close-friend, Jenn) and I were going to a friend's (Brian) house (he's now her boyfriend).

Brian gave us directions to his place and Jen and I followed them to a T. However, as we turned into his township the directions Jen had written down stated, "make a left after 100 yards." I turned to Jen and said,

"Tell me when 100 yards comes up. I don't know how far that is exactly."

"Ummmm. Neither do I" she replied.

"So why didn't you tell him that?" I asked rather loudly. But I knew why. She liked him a lot and he liked her too. I guess we'd just have to figure out what 100 yards was.

Great, I thought. I started to drive slower. We looked for a left turn but didn't see one and ended up at a dead end. I made a U-turn and she finally called Brian.

We made our way back and found the left we were supposed to make (which was now a right turn...I hope you're still with me and not lost).

As Brian opened the door, I asked him why he stated to make a left after a hundred yards.

"Wouldn't it have been easier to say make the first left?"

December 18, 2005