Anxiety, clutter, and wanderlust

I started Spring cleaning yesterday. I went through all these drawers filled with paperwork that "I may need later." As I was rummaging through my things I came across lots of photographs that made me smile, cringe, and reminisce. I also stopped and read all the cards and letters that people had written me. I found letters that I had begun but never finished and obviously never sent out.

I've been feeling very anxious since January. I think it's because I'm turning 30 this year. I'm very excited about it, but at the same time I feel like there is so much I haven't done.

I've been at my current apartment for a year and a half and I think I'm ready to move again. I've been working at the same school for four years. Ideally I'd like to stay for three more, but I have this sudden urge to move to another country. The top countries on my list right now are Australia, Hong Kong, India, and Namibia.

I think all this cleaning is helping me sort through my life, my priorities. I'm getting rid of excess. I don't have a lot of stuff but what I do have I look at and think, "Why do I need all of this stuff?"

Is this is spiritual/existential crisis? I'm not sure. However, I do know that I feel like my life is at a standstill. I need to kick start it into action again. I know when I moved to NJ from MI I had a difficult time but it was a great experience. I've travelled from place to place as a child, adolescent, and as an adult. I've met so many people in my travels, I've established relationships everywhere I've been.

I've got rid of most of the clutter. I'm preparing to fulfill my wanderlust. I want to see Greece, Spain, Egypt, Colombia, and South Africa.

I'm ready for change. I'm ready to make it happen. Should I stay in NJ? Should I continue to teach? Should I make volunteer-work my life? Should I finish the books that I've started to write?

Who knows? I certainly don't, not right now anyway. What I do know right now is that I'm definitely going to finish the letters that I began writing to friends (some of them were written four years ago) and mail them out.